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Knitting the time
With colored yarns
Creating a pattern
Of useful thoughts
The rhythm of clackety needles
The peace it gives me
To just repeat
And repeat
And repeat
Till time is so
Painted and decorated
That we make sense of it
With tired eyes…
Looking back
At the net we weaved (or knitted)
To pass the time
And find ourselves in the now
We used to know
Prove me wrong, please
I’m tired of being right
Or thinking I’m right.
Prove all my thoughts,
Beliefs, theories,
Prove them wrong
Let me have hope
And believe something new.
All my behaviors – so cemented in me
Will fall apart
Will have no base
On this old shield
That is around me – supposed to protect
But all it did was destroy me
Prove me wrong
So I can start tasting life
Oh, no! I’m afraid some people will start throwing stones at me… Don’t get me wrong, the purses are pretty – but way over priced.
Let me explain what I don’t like about Vera Bradley, American Girl dolls, etc: they make children want to be what they are not! The whole branding fascination does that and the children that cannot afford them, feel worthless. And make parents try to live beyond their means… They are elitist and exclusive!
There is a tendency in the American society to compensate every need with material things – let’s go shopping for when things go bad… And it is hitting kids at younger ages every year. And the trends, that are so instant and replaceable in the era of flash love, hit schools like a hurricane. There is the case of wall paper, carpet, and chandeliers for lockers – FOR LOCKERS!!!!! What is the real use of it but create more garbage????? And all the girls feel they must have them to decorate their school lockers… and the girls that don’t do it are out (popularity, anyone?). And the “need” to have a Vera Bradley purse or backpack – to go to school, really? And the brand jeans, shirts, shoes. I have to confess that I ended up buying Tom’s shoes for my kids – they are overpriced, but I think I felt compelled by the Company’s campaign to shoe kids in developing countries for every pair of Tom’s you buy. The capitalist charitable way…
I can see my girls fascinated by all this – wanting and wanting – and feeling less valued and important because they don’t have them (am I being a bad mother?) But I am trying to teach them that these “things”, because they are just things, are not what define them, or make them happy. It’s just an outside validation that will go away, replaced by the next… and it will be impossible to keep up with it to “feel” happy.
We did have our brands and trends when I was growing up, but I did not feel less valued because I didn’t have them – if I liked something and it resonated with my style (because style and liking to dress are part of growing up) I’d try to find a good deal – and so did most of my friends. The ones who didn’t, were not show offs, just a bit lazy… but no one was an outcast because of what they wore or had…
But this is a different culture and society and I am a bit lost (and old… very different generation…) – and honestly reaching out to all mothers – am I messing up with my kids’ life by not fulfilling what I consider an empty desire? By not surrendering to the “popular” concept that I don’t understand? Do we, as parents, need to subscribe to these material wants so our kids feel accepted? How, when I start seeing kids so young going to school with their iPhones and iPads, and their expensive shoes, and purses, and jewelry, just so they are above (or better, the same) others?
Being a teenager is already such a delicate and sensitive phase – and with this material interference, it makes it harder and harder. We preach against peer pressure, but subscribing to this whole issue is accepting the pressure… why do we conform to the wrong causes and issues?…
Would love to know what you think – I’m at loss…
If I were music
I’d be all over the score
Incoherent – no cadence
No rythm nor harmony –
A noise – mismatched sounds
Like the Orchestra tuning the instruments
Just before the concert –
The intention of calm melody
Being declared…
If I were a painting
Cubist I would be
With precise geometric forms
In an altered manner –
Landing ground for the chaotic stance
That reigns over the internal order
The colors of dried flowers
Proclaiming the inevitable – end
So we can complete the cycle – so round and circular
Thus reaching the beginning
If I were a tapestry
I would have seedy thread
A sign of fatigue that comes with time
Feet that walk the long walk of life
And found rest in me.
My stitches would be spun
By old women hands –
Quiet – arthritic – contorted bones
conquered by the mighty needles
With every stitch a story
Forming an image
Searching the memory
What an irony
The elder can only sew
The remembrance of the wound
I am not painting, music, nor art
I’m not whole – nor part
But I spread myself – in disasters
I don’t try to hide what ignites me
She wakes up early
And goes to work
Doesn’t take care of the house
She is the bread winner – not a homemaker
The kids complain
Food feels like plastic
No taste – no spices
The world is practical
More laundry to do
Dust covers the furniture
Husband works hard
She pays the expenses
Get children in the shower
TV is calling
It’s midnight already
No time to turn the dial…
She answers the emails
A little wired
And the day comes too soon
Full of routine
And smoke
Messes
And pranks
She takes a deep breath
And faces the world
Fights the traffic
Her personal daily war
Modern woman
Like sardine in a can
Feels robbed of her instincts
Cannot listen to intuition
And – to hide her shame
She has a pill
To stop her monthly menses
Yesterday I thought it was too late
I thought I was tardy.
Today it seems like yesterday went too early.
And tomorrow is delayed.
Meanwhile I see this gray hair
Growing resolute
Right in the middle of my head.
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